tormenting state

in the midst of this chaotic tumult,

lay the soul that was beautifully graced,

the well loved and endeared soul,

the joyous and jolly soul.

emphasizing the was.

lay her there,

musing,

when did it all went south?

when did it became,

the drained & burned out soul,

the too harmed soul,

the torn & ruptured soul.

the damages on this body,

whether the seen,

or the dangerously unseen,

was too damaged,

that hell,

where should we even begin.

just hold on,

but what am i supposed to hold on to?

what is it that is so incredible,

that is worthwhile holding on to?

stucked,

between the guilt of convincing people that i'm doing better,

and the smugness of my progress,

with the feeling of numb,

and just want to get it over with already.

life shouldn't hurt this much.

it shouldn't.

2:13 a.m.

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