confidante

these countless blessings of mine,

is truly one of the many reasons i kept it going.

kept.

i don't know if i should use keep or kept there.

but now,

a sense of consciousness hit me,

like a slap on the face,

that,

i am my own arbitrator,

and my own custodian.

harsh truths, scrambled emotions,

in silent screams and silent schemes,

i am my own confidante,

the one who only truly hears is me.

and god,

do i not know if that's solacing or terrifying.

need to figure it out, 

aisha.

update: i figured it out