wrap it up please...

thank the lord its ending....

this is my anual wrap up so, buckle up for another story of my life. *cue the office's opening

there's tons of things that happened this year that's worth 3-4 years stories. for real. i'd say it started off pretty great at first for me but when march came everything pretty much went downhill ever since. in january, i worked at two retail store, one being a very well known drugstore (that doesn't pay their labour's wages until things blew up online *sips tea) and one being a modest boutique. when i was working at the redacted drugstore, i actually enjoy working there because few of my friends also were there. it was quite fun since i had cool coworkers and the food is nice there. though, i was called a slur word by a customer because i couldn't find her deodorant??? and i got followed during my lunch break by a creepy man until i felt the courage to turn to him and just blankly stare at him until HE felt uncomfortable. oh what a great day to wake up being a woman :D regardless, i gained alot of experience there but wouldn't do it again hahaha. i worked at a boutique only for a week as replacement and tbh i didn't do much there but i like working there better since i got to play the songs that i like and i don't have to stand all day long like i did at the redacted drugstore. it was an okay experience and i'd do it again mostly because i got to sit around listening to songs.

during february, mostly i got busy arranging and managing an upcoming event in march. so lets skip to march where everything starts went south....

my friends and i held an event purposely because we just wanted to see each other and thank god it happened because quarantine was announced 2 weeks after. a lot of things happened during the event and after...(izz i still love u but please eat for god sake) i'm still thankful for the people who made it happened and helped tons for everything to go well. thank you and thank you. two days after, my results came out. it was an okay experience 6/10 wouldn't do it again HAHAHAHA still am very proud of my friends for making it thru and now look at where we are now!!! home!!! kidding no, all of my friends are in amazing major working their asses off and most of them are acing it with dean list gila cool. then, i got busy with college applications, submissions and started watching elite on netflix that pretty much killed me inside. elite is,,, so good man...if you haven't watched it, you're not living life right my dude....then mco was announced and my birthday happened. the first two weeks of quarantine was terrible..i had so many plans with my friends and family but it all got cancelled. so being a good citizen i am, i just stayed at home for 51 day... yes, 51....

in april, nothing much happened besides my college application got accepted so yay to that!! during may, i was getting busy with college since my classes were starting during puasa and it was tough at first but i eventually got the hang of it. then after raya, my classes continue and thus began my ceaseless exams... during this time, making new friends were not my favour so i only had one friend throughout the first two months of college :D and that friend was my classmate during highschool. she helped me so much during the first two months and pretty sure we only got each other at first hahaha. hi aina if you're reading and i know you do bcs u're my secret fan hihihi miss talking to you!! 

i moved to college earlier in july. it was less sad than i expected, not a single tear was dropped HAHAHAHA  my housemates were cool and i made new friends along the way yay! hello if any of my college people read this. (please don't)

during july, mostly i got busy since i had two papers taken in the month so it was kinda overwhelming. the daily routine was class, lunch, class, asar nap (don't sleep during asr its not good but i still do it anyway), dinner, study. this continues for the rest of august as well. but between those times, i had alot of fun explores with my friends. some are,,,, lets not say it just in case important people are reading this. all and all it was a fun few months with new people.

then september came. i had a paper that month and it was pretty nerve wrecking. a week before the exam date, i got really sick and weren't able to go to campus so i decided to go home for a while. the planned two days turnt into a week. it was a week of me panicking for finals and being,,,sick. thank god i got better and did the exam quite okayly. after the exam, my friends and i decided to just chill and let loose for abit...we may had too much fun actually but no complaints. 

october was fine, just the usual routine. until the mid of it, another mco was announced. haha cool. so we had to go home and did online learning >_<  don't you just love online learning?????no. i had three papers in earlier of december so the idea of finishing the three subject's syllabus and not being able to see my lecturers and friends physically were not helping. but it iz what it iz. so throughout october and november, mostly it was all about studying and some sparks were going on in my life ^-^ cringe. (update: he's a dick)

end of november i went back to my college's apartment with my friends for some last minute recap and studying and boy oh boy was that fun. it was draining mentally but my friends somehow made it fun....thanks guys. then december came, and we finished the first paper and then the second and then the third. as soon as i finished the third paper, it felt unreal. it felt like i was born again lah tak gurau gurau. but it was sooooooooo relieving and amazing...then we celebrated it by cleaning the house HAHAHAHAAHHA and some foods the next day and the other next day. i said too many then here. pastu we went home~~~this feels like writing a report essay...

my december was filled with what movie do i watch after this, and this and then this and this....and then tons of grabfoods......and a little spice of sadness at the end of it...

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2020 was the year i learnt so much. too much actually. to the point where i felt the need to just run from this whole reality mess because everything and everyone just keep moving and making messes that no one seem bothered to clean up. while i'm just there, trying my best to figure out what do i do with these messes but i didn't realize i was doing what humans do best, surviving. 

there's so much i lost this year. mainly,

fallout friendships. that hurts like a b word. but it happens and i saw it coming as everybody should. things don't always workout and people are always gonna leave you no matter how much you loved or try your best to care about them. sure, everyone wants to be loved, but sometimes, its not our love that they want. and its okay. somewhat its a way for you to channel your love to people who actually need or want it. so kids, normalize falling out in friendships. its fine. you dont have to hate or build anger up  towards them. you just gotta let go. and take as many time as you need to let go because it'll never happen overnight. just because the friendship doesn't work, it doesn't always mean that hatred are there. i still have love for the people i completely stopped talking to and i wish them well always.

before this year ends, i'd like to thank everyone that by any chances were involved in my life throughout this year. each person taught and gave me something valuable in life im sure and i apologize if i don't give anything good in return.

thank you to every single person who always got excited when i write anything,,literally anything. for supporting me in what i love doing and keep showing your love to my entries. you have no idea how much simple text like 'i read your entry and loved it' meant to me. you people are so sweet and thank you <3

this particular thank you is dedicated to literally the other version of myself. i know you're reading this because you have been and keep showing your best version of love to me. you've been with me since the first day and somehow still here?? what r you doing girl?? run. you've been real with me over the shit i do and the feelings i shouldn't have to anyone. you've grown so much compared to where you are a year ago today. and im incredibly proud of how far you have come as a person. thank you for being the bestest version of you when i'm around and even if you're not you still are. there's way too many things i need to thank you for but i'll wrap it up. thank you sara for being who you are, always. you are a necessary presence in my life. and i thank god everyday for it. love u big time. now lets get wasted (with sugary drinks, mr officer ^-^)

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so that was the general recap of this year. there's soo many things that happened this year but i don't want to go into specific details of what happened because i feel like it's better to keep it to myself. as time passed, i slowly feel the need to cheerish what ever happened whether its good or bad with myself only. hence why i feel like telling stories about my life online has to come to an end.  

this is my last anual/yearly wrap up. i might do some life updates here and there but there's no more specific details abt my life here. and if you've been here for a while, you may have (or not) notice that most of 2016/17/18 entries are gone. those are now archived and it meant so much to me how my friends used to hype me up over it but now, i don't feel like what i wrote back then defines who i am now. [ this sounded too serious now,,, here's a bunny ^-^ ]

ok but no seriously, i've been getting myself into writing my stories through poem and i felt more comfortable with it. so brace yourself for more poem contents hehe 

so, thats it i guess. thank you for taking your time to read and making time for me. i hope 2021 goes well for everyone. wear your masks, scan your MySejahtera, carry your sanitizer, don't let people walk over you, be aware that your feelings are valid and most importantly, no matter how low you get in life, don't go and start dating subang boys....jk...no 

x

hopeful,

suraya